I am feeling horrible today. Was all good..usual till Something flicker my mind and the old rage raise inside. Small things, simple words can matter so much, mean in such piercing and provoking way that a  namby pamaby like me can’t do anything more than agree with tears…but its anger first.

I had settle down all my issue to myself, didn’t talk about it to anyone, not even to the one who needed to hear. Had lock all “why” in  some corner inside, and assure myself it never happened, the worst part. Console myself, whenever the breezes pass by me , control my emotion that had raise its head like a unsatisfied kid when his curiosity is left  uncleared.

It hurts to be left  with no answer, in vain all to yourself to detect all sh*ts of  what went wrong, what did I do, what you felt, then and now? And I comfort myself  in anticipation. I try all the positive mantras, retian hard in hard times, sustain the pain. And after months of my “getting over” practice, I realized I have reached no where in the process. It still hurts me and I am not over this getting over thing…fooling myself..They say “your mind can be fooled so fool it with all lies and make your heart believe what you want to believe” . I tried, thought I was able..but no a simple word can just blow all my efforts….seems like I dont rule myself..my silly emotion and confused head do.

How can I be so weak,such a emotional crunch…that anyone..any word.. any thing can break me..why cant I just move on…why should I get involve with such tangling thoughts knowing that they are just nothing more than brain sucker.

I hate feeling this way…I just hate it.