The winter is already back in kathmandu (how soon). Not literally as it may still count to be a chilly autumn morning for all Nepalese counting days for Dashain and which by the way is officially started from today but my sense has felt the winter and do I have to tell you how depress that makes me. I feel like the cold will engulf me into a dark tunnel of time, lonely, alone, gloomy, uf uf uf………. (I hate  the feeling already).

The feeling strike me this evening. The 6 pm. Do you realize  how the 6 Pm of winter and summer differs. I mean, yeah obviously everyone knows the difference but does it amaze you like it does for me?

The summer 6 Pm, still bright with sun rays, its not yet dusk. Breezy ready to rest days, good off hour to get over the office works, schools or else where, perfect time to hangout, cafe’ and parks. My perfect moments; breeze in the upper balcony, the clear sky and all that colors amidst the rush of life.

6 Pm in summer, Tea time, gossip time, reading time or listening time. Its too early to decide on evening meal. 6 Pm is not late, its still day time in summer. I can walk the roads without worrying about being late to home. It is that flexible hour  to ramble, perfect time to get out of house for a walk or hangouts.

And in winter,

6 Pm is not just dusk, its already dark, the insects makes those horror sounds,  Loadsheding (6 out of 7 days) to add more darkness, gloomy crooked face with cold, that reflex of sense with touch of water and how i hate the shock soaking in some liquid in the  floor, How I suffocates inside the puffy jackets.
The hour is too late for employee to be in office, its too dark to walk in the street, more colder to think about it.

6 pm, I get inside the double layer of blankets, and yet I get the worst shiver, I feel like the cardiac gets the quake, my hands gets ice cold, the chill weakens me in my bones even after being buried inside layers of blankets and shocks and trousers and everything woolen.

Leave the general things, for me the dark gloomy winter brings depression alongside. I hate the feeling of sadness, that fear of losing people, company, friends, even the electricity.  I feel worried, tense. Anxiety kills me within. I feel like I reside in a shell with a pity face waiting for a warmth to hug me. I feel sad without knowing the reason, Why is the sunset so gloomy and only in winter? I can’t rejoice anything except the coffee sips, refilling it countless till it turns bitter to palate.  The nights are never ending. I wait the dawn  along with the empty, smelly, stained  coffee mugs but the chill, it  doesn’t allow you to see through the fog.

6 Pm in winter, No trace of Sun, hopeless nights, Dark.

The 6 Pm transit in two extremes phase of time,
its same round for a clock to complete,
but  difference of sun rays and moon light to notice.
Winter, I can whine about endless.

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